Friday, January 25, 2008

Flypaper for Freaks

Chocolate Chip Cookie, originally uploaded by Klick Here.

Dan and I went to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner last night. As we sat down, an elderly lady came up to our table and put one of those "Be Ripe Back" and "Until Next Thyme" cards on our table. She said it was in case we wanted to get up and get more food. I thanked her, as polite as always, while Dan gave her a wavering look and pondered if she was senile.

Me: She must not have had one at her table and took it off our empty one. It was nice of her to bring it back for us to use.
Dan: Yup. Or maybe these things happen just because I'm with you.
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Dan: Weird stuff happens to you all the time.
Me: That's not true! Name one weird thing that happened to me in the last 24 hours!
Dan: It's a good thing you added the 24 hours disclaimer.
Me: OK, fine. Name something weird that's happened to me in the past week!
Dan: The woman at the bookstore.
Me: That was 8 days ago. So there.

Dan kinda shook his head at me and laughed it off. We continued to eat our salad in relative peace. Finally, we had both finished the salads and I wanted a cup of chili. Dan grabbed some pasta and immediately went back to the table. I stood in line, waiting for cornbread. Which I never got. Fie on you Sweet Tomatoes.
As I was giving up on the cornbread, Dan came up to me and asked if I got chocolate chip cookies.

Me: Chocolate chip cookies?
Dan: Yes. Did you take chocolate chip cookies over to the table?
Me: No...I've been here the whole time. Why?
Dan: You'll see.

I returned to the table to find two small chocolate chip cookies on my napkin. When I asked Dan where they came from, he shrugged. We looked around, and saw that the crazy lady who gave us back the card had a bag of them in front of her.

Me: That was nice of them.
Dan: They're probably poisoned.
Me: No, they probably realized they couldn't eat a dozen between the two of them and decided to share.
Dan: Why give you two of them and none to me?
Me: They probably expect me to give you one.
Dan: Or maybe you just attract crazy people to you and I repel them away.

I bit into a cookie as Dan freaked out that I was going to die from arcenic. When a smile hit my lips from the yumminess that is fresh baked cookies, Dan relented and ate the second one.

Me: Aren't you glad I shared?
Dan: I don't understand why these things happen to you. From now on, I'm going to bring a camera with me everywhere so I can document all the weirdos you attract.
Me: OK, first off - you'd have to be in the womens' bathroom because that where the weirdos seem to always want to touch my hair. And secondly, I married you, so what does that say about your weirdness level.
Dan: I am king of the weirdos.


The Noisy Plume said...

I like it when you record your conversations with Dan. It's like reading a Hemmingway a good way.