My Eyes, They Burn!

I've had a very productive day, and for once I mean that without sarcasm.

Someone once told me sarcasm was the dumb way to defend yourself when in an uncomfortable situation. They are wrong because I am awesome. Clearly.

Anyway, I went out and applied to various retail places for a weekend job. I want to earn a little spending cash and this crafting hobby of mine is rather expensive. I won't get as many eye rolls from Dan if I'm bringing home more bacon.

Why does one bring home specifically bacon? What if someone is a vegetarian? Do they say "bringing home the soy product?"

Many of the places I applied to gave me very suspicious looks when I turned over my application. Why would someone want to take a drastic pay cut to work part-time in retail? The manager at Michael's understood the lure of "employee discount." Unfortunately their wages were lower the mental number I had in my head that would make it worthwhile to take another job. So, I applied at quite a few other places. I'm now stressed about it. What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm over or under qualified for the position? What if they think the required apron will not look good on me? Oh the pressure.

I took a quick lunch break and then applied to a few more places via the internet. Did you know that big box companies feel they can judge you by 85 standardized questions? In all fairness though, they weren't 85 original questions. They asked about how I handle stressful situations at least 4 times. Do you think they did that on purpose? Stressing me out by asking me the same thing so many times, my eye twitches?

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I was hitting submit on my final online application when I heard a strange commotion outside in our backyard. I tend to view myself as a fairly brave person, so I headed outside on my own to investigate. With my cell phone in hand. And BBQ tongs.

When danger calls, I grab BBQ tongs. Dummy.

Upon stepping outside, I saw nothing. The commotion continued though, so I cautiously walked to the middle of the backyard where I could finally tell the noise was coming from our neighbor's yard. Part of me wanted to turn, thinking it was none of my business and I shouldn't snoop. But the bigger part of me wanted to make sure there was not a child or defenseless animal being mauled by a rabid dog.

I climbed onto our planters that line the back wall and slowly lifted my head. The image on the other side was so horrible, so revolting that I hesitate to share it with all of you now.

My neighbor's parents are visiting them. They are at least in their 70's...and still physically attracted to each other.

Filed under "Things One Should Never Have to See."