Monday, June 2, 2008

Sara Syndicated

advice_2, originally uploaded by Klick Here.

I have decided to start an advice column. Something witty and sassy and full of advice for people who are clueless about their lives. Not because I feel my advice is awesome or even kinda in tune. But because I feel that if someone does the exact opposite that I tell them to, they will generally live happier lives.

Example -
Somehow, I remained friends with a few exboyfriends. We're not the greatest of friends anymore but at least there's no animosity. At least, not from my side. Can't speak for them of course. Anyway, one of those exes felt I was a good person to ask for relationship advice. Why? Simply because I'm married. Not because they value my thoughts or think that my relationship with Dan is on par to the love stories of the ages. Nope, just because I'm the first person they know who's gotten hitched and hasn't gotten divorced.

Ex: I need help dealing with this girl I'm seeing. She is acting weird. We were dating casually and everything was fine and then BOOM! She turns crazy. Why is she suddenly nuts?! Why can't I find a girl who's not psycho?!
Me: Well what did you do?
Ex: I didn't do anything!
Me: This is kinda off topic, but I saw this great quote once that said the only common factor in all your failed relationships is you.
Ex: You are really not helping.
Me: Sorry. Trying to make a joke. Um, well did she say something weird prior to losing it? What major thing happened right beforehand?
Ex: She called me her boyfriend and I choked on my drink.
Me: You are such a doofus. No wonder she's acting funny. She thinks you don't want to be her boyfriend.
Ex: But I don't want to be her boyfriend! I just want to be her bedfriend.
Me: Just end it. Find someone new who won't get so attached unless you're ready and willing to commit.

He ended things. She keyed his car.


Wegrit said...

It truly boggles my mind how dumb boys are.

thewindhover said...

hehe. An advice column sounds hilarious and good.