Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dear Subcontractor...

I am truly, TRULY sorry that we gave you more money than you asked for. You are right, we should be ashamed of ourselves. Because now, horror of horrors, you'll have to type up an invoice for the remaining balance of your contract and immediately stamp it as paid. I know, we're bitches.

75 cents plus 0 cents does not equal 35 cents. How about I give you both the 75 cents and the 35 cents, and you can buy yourself a calculator from the dollar store?

The due date for your invoices is the 20th of the month. I know calendars can be tricky, what with all their numbers and days of the week and such, but seriously. Due date on the 20th does not mean give it to us on the 30th and be pissed when we don't accept it.

That being said, when it comes in late, we have to process your invoices on the following month. Please, PLEASE don't call me and ask where your money is. It's not your money yet, it's a freaking piece of paper with "LATE" written in red across the top. And if we have a 20 minute conversation about how your billing was late two months ago so that's why you're just now getting paid, please don't turn in another invoice late and ask me if you're getting paid on time. Quick answer is "no." More appropriate answer is "screw you."

I may not be the head honcho of the company, but I know what I'm doing. And I know how to communicate with my coworkers. So if I give you an answer you don't like, don't bother trying to call someone else for a different answer. I will have already walked to their office and warned them of our conversation. And then when they give you the same answer I gave you, we will sit and laugh at your expense.

Thank you for making my job so aggravating that I pull out my hair. You are saving me a bundle in hair care products.



The Noisy Plume said...

i see therapy in your future:)

Candace said...

I understand. At least you weren't alone on that one.