Excitement

Tonight, thus far...

- Got home around 3 and immediately took off my nice interview clothes and changed into lounging clothes.

- Fell asleep for a nap. A four hour nap...

- Woke up to a blow to my skull. Saw that Dan had managed to turn himself around 180 degrees somehow, with his head at the foot of the bed and his feet trying to give me a concussion.

- Cursed him and tried to wake him up so I could give him a guilt trip. He snored through my poking his forehead and barely lifted an eye lid when I shook him, pretendeding there was an earthquake. Geez, the boy can SLEEP.

- Gave up. Surfed my favorite blogs.

- Tummy started growling in anger over being unfed, so tried to rouse Dan again. Failed miserably.

- Settled on sourdough pretzel bites for dinner.

- Worried about my lack of a well-rounded meal so topped the pretzels off with Tampico. That counts as fruit, right?

- Watched the Tivo'd VP debates.

- Watched 'Til Death. Used to love that show but they revamped it. Now it's getting deleted from my Tivo subscriptions.

- Tried to wake Dan up a 3rd time because there is a lot of good TV recorded and I get yelled at if I watch The Office or Ugly Betty without him.

- Considered watching them and then lying to Dan when he wanted to watch them later.

- Worried about the cost of divorce if he woke up mid-Office scene.

- Had a craving for something sweet so I drank more Tampico.

- Wondered if people would not know what Tampico is, so Googled it. You can find the homepage by following the link, but really you should all be familiar with Tampico: drink of the gods.

- Fed the cats. Tried to get them to play with me but they were more interested in the food.

- Ran out of things to do and contemplated going back to bed even though I'm really not tired. It's 10pm on a Thursday night, I have a Tivo full of good shows, a list of cards to make and yet I find myself eyeing my pillow. I live a whirlwind life.

Quick Recap

This past week...

- I chopped off 10 inches from my hair. That's right, T-E-N inches. Most importantly, not a tear was shed.

- Elinor's bridal shower happened on Saturday. I love this girl, she's so easy to talk to and a blast to hang out with. I got her a bunch of bathroom things and wrapped everything in yards of tulle. Sometimes my girly side sickens even me.

- My coworker had a baby shower and I was the official gift buyer and wrapper. My coworkers humor me and I love it.

- I have a job interview tomorrow. It's probably a jinx to talk about it here, but if all of you cross your fingers for me, at least some of that luck should float my way.

- I have 28 recipe pages collected for my sister's graduation gift. Not all of them are mine; I made a bunch and then swapped them out. The ladies at splitcoaststampers amaze me with their creativity and talent. I'm very lucky that I can snag tiny pieces of artwork from them.

- I ripped off a part of my toenail. It's way gross and makes me sad, because Fall heels are arriving in stores.

- We are getting more and more details of the trip nailed down. We will be visiting Kent, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Reading, NYC, and D.C. If any of you know of a scrap/stamp store in any of those towns or in any surrounding towns, please let me know. I have to plan my shopping destinations out to make sure there's time to hit every single one.

- Dan and I discovered that we disagree on something political. I automatically won the debate because I am awesome of course.

- We stopped drinking soda. I am not a very nice person without caffeine. Dan doesn't care because he's at work by the time I wake up.

- I haven't stopped drinking "water." I use quotes because "water" is defined as "Monster energy drinks."

- All sites with "blogspot" in the address are now blocked at work. The IP guy needs a hobby other than making my job boring. Thank (insert favorite deity here) for Google Reader.

- I've had our TV on almost constantly while at home. Taking a test for an online course? Doing crafts? Playing Sims 2? There is some sort of Fall TV show on in the background. The Office was hilar as always.

- I have 3 lists. One has all the shows I'm recording on the first Tivo. The 2nd is all the shows I'm recording on the other Tivo. And the 3rd are shows that haven't made it onto the Tivo schedule yet due to conflicts or not starting until late October. I ran out of Tivo space and I own 2 Tivos. Sad.

- It's October! I get to start decorating for Halloween! And the week before Thanksgiving, the Christmas decorations are coming out. Only on the interior of the house of course. Don't want the neighbors to think I'm nuts.

Husband has Finally Learned

Dan: Gah! This was the worst chocolate chip cookie ever!
Me: That's a scone you dork. You're supposed to warm it up and eat it with butter or preserves.
Dan: Well I ate the entire thing before you told me this, so I still think of it as the worst chocolate chip cookie ever.
Me: You're lucky you're cute.
---
Me: *typing this blog*
Dan: *looks over* You're typing about the scone? You suck.
Me: There was something else you said today that made me laugh. What was it?
Dan: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, 'cuz I'm gonna tell you. Like I'm going to ever talk to you again. Turd.
---
Me: At the shower, someone asked me if you cooked. I told them you had to, because I don't and otherwise we'd eat out every night.
Dan: You cook!
Me: No I don't.
Dan: You made the lasagna for everyone.
Me: That was your birthday and a special occasion. Name one thing I've made since then.
Dan: ...drawing a blank. Maybe I'm doing you a disservice.
Me: How so?
Dan: You're a wife. Wives are supposed to cook and clean and bring me beers when I'm watching football.
Me: Well if you're going to play the sexist card, you're a husband. You should do the yardwork and take out the trash.
Dan: I do the yardwork! I "do" it by writing a check to a landscaper so he comes by and mows the grass. Now bring me a beer.
---
Me: Did you see Tartraz's post about her new office?
Dan: Yup.
Me: Isn't it cute?!
Dan: No, because if I say yes, you're going to want to redecorate.
---
Dan: In my Sims game, you take a helicopter to work. That's so fitting.
Me: What do you mean?
Dan: You're high maintenance.
Me: I'm not high maintenance! You're high maintenance!
Dan: I'm gonna high maintenance your face.
Dan: ...Don't put that in the blog.
---
Me: Can I buy some refills for our air freshener?
Dan: No. You'll pick dumb scents.
Me: Ok. Can I buy a new belt? My pants are too big and they keep falling down.
Dan: No, because when I agree, you'll say "instead of spending money on a belt, I'm going to buy air freshener refills."
Me: I need a new husband. Mine's wise to all my tricks.

My Eyes, They Burn!

I've had a very productive day, and for once I mean that without sarcasm.

Someone once told me sarcasm was the dumb way to defend yourself when in an uncomfortable situation. They are wrong because I am awesome. Clearly.

Anyway, I went out and applied to various retail places for a weekend job. I want to earn a little spending cash and this crafting hobby of mine is rather expensive. I won't get as many eye rolls from Dan if I'm bringing home more bacon.

Why does one bring home specifically bacon? What if someone is a vegetarian? Do they say "bringing home the soy product?"

Many of the places I applied to gave me very suspicious looks when I turned over my application. Why would someone want to take a drastic pay cut to work part-time in retail? The manager at Michael's understood the lure of "employee discount." Unfortunately their wages were lower the mental number I had in my head that would make it worthwhile to take another job. So, I applied at quite a few other places. I'm now stressed about it. What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm over or under qualified for the position? What if they think the required apron will not look good on me? Oh the pressure.

I took a quick lunch break and then applied to a few more places via the internet. Did you know that big box companies feel they can judge you by 85 standardized questions? In all fairness though, they weren't 85 original questions. They asked about how I handle stressful situations at least 4 times. Do you think they did that on purpose? Stressing me out by asking me the same thing so many times, my eye twitches?

---
I was hitting submit on my final online application when I heard a strange commotion outside in our backyard. I tend to view myself as a fairly brave person, so I headed outside on my own to investigate. With my cell phone in hand. And BBQ tongs.

When danger calls, I grab BBQ tongs. Dummy.

Upon stepping outside, I saw nothing. The commotion continued though, so I cautiously walked to the middle of the backyard where I could finally tell the noise was coming from our neighbor's yard. Part of me wanted to turn, thinking it was none of my business and I shouldn't snoop. But the bigger part of me wanted to make sure there was not a child or defenseless animal being mauled by a rabid dog.

I climbed onto our planters that line the back wall and slowly lifted my head. The image on the other side was so horrible, so revolting that I hesitate to share it with all of you now.

My neighbor's parents are visiting them. They are at least in their 70's...and still physically attracted to each other.

Filed under "Things One Should Never Have to See."

Shopping is an Art

Dan and I have decided to take a trip to PA for Christmas. We want to meet his newest nephew and my sister is graduating from Kent State on December 13th. Because the timing is so close, we decided to make a long trip of it instead of paying for 2 flights in a 2 week time span.
So far, our travels plans are as follows:
Fly to Ohio
Go shopping to kill time because there's nothing else to do in Kent.
See a graduation ceremony.
Go shopping for Christmas wrapping paper.
Celebrate an early Christmas with my family.
Go to New York.
Go shoe shopping.
Go to D.C.
Go souvenir shopping.
Go to the Baltimore Aquarium (kudos to Baltimore now that my bestie has decided to stay here.)
Go Christmas shopping.
See where Dan grew up.
Go antique shopping.
Oh yeah...and we're going to see family and celebrate the season and all that. But most importantly, we will go shopping in states that I've never shopped in before.

Anyone have "Do Not Miss" stores you wanna fill me in on? I suppose you should offer cultural tourist attractions as well. As backup in case the stores are closed.

Writers Block, a.k.a. Dan

Earlier today, Dan said something that had me crying with laughter. I can't remember it anymore. When I asked him what it was that had me cracking up, he refused to tell me because it was inadvertantly making fun of him.

So, this stupid blog post? Completely his fault.

Babies on the Brain

A friend is about to have her baby, so I forced Dan to go to Babies R' Us with me.

This was my second time there in 2 days. The first time, the registry was not working and they kept insisting to me that my friend didn't have a registry there. Or maybe I didn't know how to spell her name correctly. Yes, I would buy a gift for a woman whose name I didn't know how to spell. Moron.

Anyway, as I was a little creepily stroking the ultra plush fake fur swadding blankets, I announced to Dan that I was ready to give procreation a go.

There was a beat of silence.

I'm sure his brain was spinning, trying to figure out a way to gently ask me if I had lost my mind without it seeming like he was crushing my ovary-produced dreams. Then, a slight flicker of hope appeared in his eyes.

"Are you saying this because you want to buy cute baby stuff?"

You know me well, Husband. You know me well.