Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'm an Instigator

I consider myself a fairly normal person. Yes, I have had some weird streaks, but all in all, I think I am in the range of "sane and normal." This allows me to make fun of the people who are weird.

Wheird even. Family Guy reference anyone? Maybe I should have saved that for another post when I wasn't trying to prove that I am normal...

Anyway, I was at Office Max during my lunch break last week. I enjoy office supplies ever so much and spend quite a bit more time there than normal. While browsing a few weeks ago, I saw a gift that would be perfect for someone I know. Someone who reads this blog in fact. Ha! Now I bet you're all racking your brains.

When I was about to buy said gift, I overheard the manager telling an employee to mark down all of the items on the wall I was looking at. I decided to wait and come back later to purchase it to save myself a bit of money. And to check out whatever new things had come in the meantime.

So last week, I had stopped by to pick up the perfect present and saw a man literally biting his nails in front of the display. I stood to the side out of good manners, because my parents taught me to wait my turn. I stood further away than necessary because he was weird.

Man: Palm trees. Nothing but shitty palm trees. *bite bite bite spit*
Me: *looking at the pens. Looking at the folders. Looking at the pink tape.*
Man: Shitty, shitty palm trees. *bite bite bite spit*
Employee: Miss? May I help you find something?
Me: Oh no. I'm just browsing and waiting to pick up something. I don't want to crowd him though.
Employee: Sir? May I help you find something?
Man: Eh?
Employee: Is there something I can help you find sir?
Man: Like what sugar? [NOTE: Not sure if he's calling the male employee Sugar, or if he was merely offering a suggestion of what the employee could help him find.]
Employee: Can I help you find something? ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SPECIFIC? [NOTE: Yes, talking loudly at him will help oh so much. Good plan]
Man: I am looking for the perfect one! But alls you got are shitty palm trees! *bite bite bite spit*
Employee: The perfect what sir?
Man: Palm trees boy! WHERE ARE THEY?!
Employee: Are you referring to a picture? Or perhaps a logo on something? I'm not sure what you mean by palm trees.
Me: Native plant. Brown trunk. Green leaves. Tall. *wiggling fingers to mimic palm tree fronds.*
Employee: I understand what a palm tree is. What I don't understand is why he's looking for them here.
Man: GREEN LEAVES! *wiggles fingers too*
Employee: Sir, is there something specific you would like the palm trees on? A notebook perhaps? Stationary?
Man: Yup, they are!
Employee: They are what?
Man: Stationary! Trees can't move boy! *cackle*
Me: He's got a point.
Employee: Miss? Maybe I can help you get whatever it is that you need.
Me: Nope. I'm good, thanks though.
Man: What about my palm trees?
Employee: Sir, I really don't understand what it is you're looking for. Maybe if you could describe it to me.
Man: *wiggles fingers* stationary and green! [NOTE: This is where I chose to make my exit. I couldn't stand the employee's glares any longer. I don't think I helped much.]


Dan said...

Seriously, how could you let a story this interesting go this long without telling me? I'm a little ticked...

The Noisy Plume said...

I just want you to know that I am currently laughing hysterically.....